No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
