My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
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