hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
