you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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