I need help removing her.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
