Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Randomize
