She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
