My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
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