What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
