I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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