ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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