He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
