Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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