Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
