Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
