I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize