Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
