fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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