I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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