Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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