We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
His hands were made for my vagina.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's shark week go big or go home
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
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