I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
