she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Randomize
