As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just had sex on a roof
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
