is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
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