She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
