He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
