I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
