My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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