How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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