is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
