Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
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