Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
