Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
