if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I need to align my fucking chakras
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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