i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
