I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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