I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
