I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
