Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
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