You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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