I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
