i jhust puked up my retainher.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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