I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
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