i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
