Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
