When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
