Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
