OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
