She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
