be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
