Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
