wat bout pragnant strippers??
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
