Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
