so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
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