If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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